Party Boss: Bas Mitzvah Celebrations in Halacha

Adapted from the writings of Dayan Yitzhak Grossman

June 22, 2023

JNS reports:

Former U.S. President Donald Trump’s granddaughter celebrated her bat mitzvah over the weekend, her mother announced on Tuesday.

Arabella Rose Kushner, the eldest child of Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, marked her bat mitzvah—the coming-of-age ceremony for Jewish girls—several weeks before her 12th birthday.

Miss Kushner may be the first First Granddaughter in U.S. history to have a bas mitzvah celebration. In this article, we survey the halachic literature on such events.

These festivities are apparently a relatively recent innovation; there is no mention of them before a couple of centuries ago, and the halachic discussions of them, most of which are from the past century, commonly note the novelty of the practice. This is in contrast to bar mitzvah celebrations; although they also apparently lack any explicit source in Chazal or the Rishonim, they at least were already acknowledged and endorsed almost five centuries ago by R’ Shlomo Luria (the Maharshal), who adduced a Gemara in support of them:

Rav Yosef said: At first I used to say that if someone would tell me that the halacha accords with the view of R’ Yehudah, who said that a blind person is exempt from mitzvos, I would make a holiday for the Rabanan, because that would mean that I am not commanded to do the mitzvos, and yet I do them. But now that I heard what R’ Chanina said, that one who does something having been commanded to do so is greater than one who does it without having been commanded, on the contrary—if someone would tell me that the halacha does not accord with the view of R’ Yehudah, I would make a holiday for the Rabanan.[1]

The Maharshal accordingly rules:

It would seem that there is no greater se’udas mitzvah than the bar mitzvah meal that the Ashkenazim make; they make a simcha and they give praise and thanks to Hashem for the boy’s meriting to become a bar mitzvah. There is a clear proof of this from [the above Gemara]…Even though R’ Yosef was in actuality already obligated in mitzvos, he nevertheless planned to make a festive day upon receiving the tidings (that he was indeed obligated), and a fortiori is it appropriate to make a festive day when the time [of obligation in mitzvos] actually arrives…[2]

One of the first major authorities to discuss the bas mitzvah celebration is R’ Yosef Chaim of Baghdad (the Ben Ish Chai):

A girl as well, on the day that she becomes obligated in mitzvos, although the minhag is not to make her a se’udah, she should nevertheless rejoice on that day and wear Shabbos clothing…and some have the minhag to make one’s birthday each year into a festive day, and it is a propitious sign (siman yafeh), and this is the custom in our home.[3]

R’ Ovadia Hedaya Yosef[4] and R’ Ovadia Yosef[5] both infer from the language of the Ben Ish Chai that he holds it is indeed appropriate in principle to celebrate a bas mitzvah with a se’udah, despite it not being the minhag in the Ben Ish Chai’s time, so in a place where celebrating with a se’udah is indeed customary, it is commendable.

R’ Aharon Walkin (the rav of Pinsk-Karlin in the interwar period), however, was vehemently opposed to bas mitzvah celebrations, at least in the context of his time, insisting that they are absolutely prohibited, as they involve aspects of both idolatry and licentiousness (abizra da’avodah zarah and abizra da’arayos): Because the intent is “certainly” to ape the non-Jews (i.e., Christians, who hold “confirmation” ceremonies for teenagers) as well as the Jewish evildoers, the adherents of the Reform movement, they fall under the prohibition of “do not follow their traditions,”[6] and since they involve the mingling of men and women and boys and girls, they are considered a major breach of modesty (pritzus).[7]

The problem of pritzus obviously depends on both the specific nature of the celebration as well as local modesty norms, which can vary between communities and—at least in some contexts—change over time.[8] Indeed, R’ Ovadia Yosef, who is unequivocally supportive of bas mitzvah celebrations, still adds the condition that they be conducted in accordance with “the rules of tznius that are demanded by the Torah,” and directs the reader to Rav Walkin’s teshuvah.

Rav Walkin’s other objection to the bas mitzvah celebration, that it constitutes a prohibited aping of non-Jewish customs, is also accepted at least in principle by at least some proponents of bas mitzvah celebrations. R’ Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg penned a famous teshuvah in defense of such celebrations, in which he engages in a lengthy analysis of the various interpretations of the Rishonim and the Vilna Gaon on the scope of “do not follow in their traditions,” and while he ultimately inclines toward allowing bas mitzvah celebrations, this is only because he believes that there are strong chinuch considerations in favor of them, but he explicitly acknowledges that their legitimacy hinges on motive:

In practice, it depends on the intentions of those who desire to innovate this custom of celebrating the bas mitzvah, whether they intend it for the sake of mitzvah or chalilah for the sake of aping the sectarians.

He explains that in earlier generations, such celebrations were unnecessary, because girls imbibed Torah, yiras shamayim, and Yahadus from their homes and communities, “and they virtually nursed Yahadus from their mother’s bosom.” Contemporary society, however, is vastly different: The influence of the street tends to uproot every vestige of Yahadus from children, and girls are educated in non-Jewish or secular schools, so logic and pedagogic principles virtually mandate the celebration of bas mitzvah, and not to do so would be seen by girls as offensive.[9]

R’ Moshe Feinstein, however, dismisses such arguments out of hand. In several teshuvos written in the late 1950s, he repeatedly insists that bas mitzvah celebrations are at best religiously neutral (reshus) and meaningless (hevel)[10] and are rooted in Reform and Conservative Judaism, and while they are not strictly prohibited, it would be preferable to refrain from holding them. R’ Moshe is quite pessimistic about the chinuch benefits of even bar mitzvah celebrations, declaring that

It is known that they do not bring anyone closer to Torah and mitzvos, not even the bar mitzvah (boy), not even for a single hour, and on the contrary, in many places they cause chillul Shabbos and [the violation of] other prohibitions.

R’ Moshe’s third teshuvah is to someone who had apparently argued for the chinuch benefits of such celebrations. R’ Moshe stands his ground and reiterates that they are not actually beneficial and are even harmful, as above, and to the extent that his correspondent believes that they are beneficial, the benefits can be achieved by simply holding an ordinary shul kiddush, at which the girl may speak in honor of her simcha.[11]

In summary, bas mitzvah celebrations are a relatively recent development in Jewish history. Sephardi authorities have been largely in favor of them, while Ashkenazi ones have been much more skeptical, likely in large part due to their understanding of the practice as being motivated by assimilative tendencies and rooted in Reform and Conservative Judaism.

[1]Kidushin 31a.

[2]Yam Shel Shlomo Bava Kama perek 7 siman 37.

[3]Ben Ish Chai (Shanah Rishonah) Re’ei siman 17.

[4]Shu”t Yaskil Avdi cheilek 5 O.C. siman 28.

[5]Shu”t Yabia Omer cheilek 6 O.C. siman 29 os 4, Shu”t Yechaveh Da’as cheilek 2 siman 29.

[6]Vayikra 18:3.

[7]Shu”t Zkan Aharon cheilek 1 siman 6.

[8]See, e.g., Levush Hachur, Minhagim, siman 36.

[9]Sridei Eish cheilek 3 siman 93.

[10]In R’ Moshe’s second teshuvah, he explains why, in his view, a bas mitzvah is less subject to public celebration than a bar mitzvah; in Yabia Omer and Yechaveh Da’as ibid., however, R’ Ovadia Yosef dismisses R’ Moshe’s distinction as unpersuasive and lacking a foundation in halacha.

[11]Shu”t Igros Moshe O.C. cheilek 1 siman 104; cheilek 2 siman 97; and cheilek 4 siman 36.